just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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