Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
