Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
