my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
