Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
