It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
