I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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