i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize