My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize