Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
