if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
