Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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