i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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