Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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