i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
