Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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