from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
