Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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