Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
