You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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