I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
