i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
