They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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