angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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