I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
