So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
