Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
from now on my penis is your penis
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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