Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
