He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
