My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
