My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
