Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My Sexting was not on an AP level
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
