Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
