So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
