Nicole vs. Life
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
