did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
