I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
