I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
