Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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