You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
