i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
