I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
