Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize