i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
