I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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