dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
