filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
