she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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