And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just tell him i said nine months
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
