It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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