shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
