just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my vag is so smooth its legendary
where am i from again
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
