I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
