i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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