I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
