I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
