im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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