It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
