he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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