Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize