i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
