I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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