my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
