I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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