I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
