Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
