I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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