Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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