Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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