If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
