Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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