I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
