Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
