I think i peed on brittanys purse
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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