Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
