New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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