i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
