good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just had sex bonerless
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I fill condoms, not promises.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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