I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
