see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
