Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize