Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
