I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
