I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
