dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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