My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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