So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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