Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
