apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
