apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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