yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize