Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
