Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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