you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
