I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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