What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
