how can u be prego again
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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