i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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